Sometimes, life really knows how to serve a tragic sandwich and then throw in a side of petty drama. One moment you’re dealing with the gut-wrenching reality of a loved one dying, and the next, someone close decides it’s the perfect time to make it all about them.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) shared her heartbreak and fury after her daughter’s emotional moment was clouded by her partner’s selfish behavior. Amidst her ex-husband’s rapid health decline and tragic death, she found herself also managing the emotional fallout of a grown man acting like a teenager, at the worst possible time.
More info: Mumsnet
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The author’s ex-husband, father to her two children, passed away just six weeks after a sudden diagnosis
Prior to his passing, her daughter wanted to say goodbye to him, but her partner resisted helping, saying he didn’t want to be dictated to by a little girl
He eventually drove them but lashed out emotionally, complaining throughout the ride to the hospital and then asked them to find their way back home
This deeply upset the author, but she also began to wonder if she should go ahead with the relationship
The OP’s ex-husband, who was the father of her two children, experienced a health decline which was shockingly rapid. The daughter lives with her, while the son had been living with their dad. As the ex-husband’s condition worsened, the daughter desperately wanted to see him one last time as doctors gave him mere hours.
The OP’s current partner of seven years, who didn’t live with them but had been helping with hospital runs due to being the only one who drives, began grumbling about being treated like a chauffeur and questioning whether the daughter should see her dad in his final moments.
After some shouting and tears, he reluctantly agreed to drive. However, instead of compassion, he brought passive aggression and complaints for the entire 30-minute journey. Then, to top it off, he dropped them at the hospital and told them to find their own way home.
The OP tried to keep the peace during the ride, repeatedly asking her partner to stop venting during such a sensitive time. She was deeply upset about what happened, and doesn’t even want to see him.
Psychology Today acknowledges that the death of a parent can trigger a particularly complex emotional response in adult children of divorce. Rather than experiencing grief in isolation, they may find old wounds reopened such as memories of a divided household, unspoken feelings, or unresolved conflicts resurface, causing “grief within grief” and intensifying the loss.
However, Gottman Institute insists that then, more than ever, emotional intelligence is important as it entails being able to tune into one’s partner’s emotional state, making room for their partner’s emotional needs, and handling emotionally charged moments with thoughtfulness and care.
They go further to explain that when emotional intelligence is present in a relationship, couples tend to trust each other more, communicate more openly, and stay emotionally connected even during difficult times.
For example, Grief emphasizes that when someone is mourning, actions matter far more than words. They also state that one of the worst things a person can do is center themselves during another’s loss, but that the key is to show up, listen, and show compassion.
Netizens were angry and in disbelief at the partner’s lack of empathy during a deeply traumatic moment. They insisted that his behavior was inexcusable, especially toward a grieving teenager, and urged her to leave him.
In an update, the OP mentioned that she had decided to take a step back from the relationship. What do you think about this situation? Would you forgive your partner, or is this kind of behavior a hard no? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens understood the stress and exhaustion of being the only driver, but maintained that this was not the time for complaints or cruelty
