You know that feeling when you finally do the thing? The thing you’ve been dreaming of for years? And then someone swoops in with a “Well, technically…”? Yeah. Silent investors are great when they’re real, and probably silent. However, what if they’ve been actual silent investors in other ways?
Today’s Original Poster (OP) published her novel after over a decade, but her excitement was dampened by her husband’s offhand remark about being a “silent investor”. Except he didn’t invest. At all. Naturally, this left the OP wondering what he meant by it.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:There might be a unique frustration that comes when someone insists on getting some credit for something you’ve worked hard to accomplish
The author had been working on her novel for a decade and she funded everything required for its publishing while paying her school fees
Image credit: AtLeastImGenreSavvy
She was having a conversation with her husband about the novel, when he mentioned that he had been a silent investor in it
Image credit: AtLeastImGenreSavvy
She was confused and asked what he meant by it, to which he stated that he had been covering a bulk of the household expenses
Image credit: AtLeastImGenreSavvy
This left her feeling very upset because she felt as though he was diminishing her role in the house as well as her career as a writer
For nearly ten years, the OP had worked on writing a graphic novel. She finally landed a publisher and paid out of pocket for an illustrator and letterer. At the same time, she was juggling grad school and parenting a toddler. Every cent for the book and her degree were from her pocket.
One day, she was having a casual conversation with her husband about the novel when he mentioned that he had been a “silent investor” in the novel and contributing to its completion. This confused her, because he didn’t contribute financially to it.
When she asked what he meant by it, he clarified that by paying household expenses, he enabled her to do the project. She was hurt by this because she still carried out most of the household work and was the one who spent most of her time taking care of their child. Her husband apologized and claimed that it was a joke.
For the OP, she wasn’t upset about the fact that her husband said that he contributed to the completion of her novel, it was the dismissal. His words felt like he reduced her passion to a “hobby” despite her doing most of the housework and childcare, making her feel invisible. And quite frankly, the “joke” only made it worse.
To gain deeper insight into the emotional dynamics at play in the situation, We reached out to author Oyinkansola Edem. Starting with the question of whether a spouse who maintains the household should be credited for enabling creative work, Edem emphasized that while emotional and financial support are essential in a marriage, they should not be confused with authorship or ownership of the creative work.
“In a healthy relationship or marriage, support should always be acknowledged, but it shouldn’t diminish or take credit for the other person’s accomplishments,” she stated, highlighting that the husband’s comment may have unintentionally downplayed the OP’s hard work, making her feel unappreciated.
When asked whether writers often feel pressured to prove the value of their work, especially to loved ones, Edem agreed, explaining that many creatives struggle with justifying their work due to the intangible nature of their efforts.
“Creative work often appears unproductive from the outside, especially without a guaranteed paycheck,” she said. “When loved ones provide financial or emotional support, creators often feel a need to show that their efforts are meaningful and ‘worth it,’ even if the results are not immediate.”
Lastly, we asked Edem how someone should approach a situation where their partner unintentionally minimizes their work. Her advice was clear: take a thoughtful and calm approach. “Start by reflecting on what was said and why it hurt, then choose the right moment to bring it up,” she suggested.
“It sounds like a cliché, but as a married woman, I’ll recommend using ‘I’ statements. It’s such a game changer to express your feelings without sounding accusatory, and then, provide context to help your partner understand your perspective. Most importantly, be open to resolving the issue together.”
Netizens sided with the OP’s husband, emphasizing the shared financial responsibilities that come with marriage. They pointed out that she was overanalyzing a minor comment minimizing his role, emphasizing that by covering the bulk of household expenses, her husband indirectly had indeed enabled her to pursue her creative and academic goals.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think the OP’s husband was out of line, or was he just trying to express support in his own way? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens supported the author’s husband, insisting that she was overreacting and ungrateful
