Breakups can be either the best or the worst thing, depending on how the relationship has been going so far. The ones that happen without warning can be heartbreaking, but breakups that come after months of build-up are often best for both partners.
In this story, a man ended his four-year relationship after letting his rage and resentment toward his partner simmer for months. Based on his terrible behavior, his fiancée kind of expected the breakup all along, but her casual reaction to it angered the man even more.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:It’s very easy to know if your partner is unhappy with your relationship, especially if they keep complaining about it all the time
The poster and her fiancé, Alex, had been together for four years; he got his Doctorate and worked at a university while she skipped her PhD and began working immediately
She noticed he had been behaving strangely the past few months and kept complaining about everything she did, but when she tried communicating, he would pretend everything was fine
One day, out of the blue, Alex told her he wanted to break up with her because he resented that she was making more money than him and that she hadn’t pursued her academic career
The poster felt disgusted with Alex after his rant and the way he kept blaming her, so she just said “okay” to his decision to break up
Alex was angered by her indifferent reaction and later kept texting her either angrily complaining or trying to work out the logistics of their split
It’s definitely not easy to put up with someone who is constantly finding fault with everything you do. Alex kept complaining about anything and everything the OP did, right from how she was sitting on the couch to her decision to go help her parents for a few days. He seemed to harbor a lot of negative feelings toward his fiancée, and she became uncomfortably aware of that soon enough.
Psychologists explain that complaining about something and expressing your true feelings to your partner can be a healthy thing to do. It becomes unhealthy when it’s in the form of put-downs or rude behavior toward the other person. This can often be a sign of old resentments or pent-up anger.
The OP had reached a point in her relationship where she could no longer deal with Alex’s constant demands and criticisms. She had made peace with the fact that their relationship might come to an end, so when he said he wanted to break up, she wasn’t too surprised.
According to the Gottman Institute, couples who share constant negative interactions or criticisms are likelier to get divorced. They also shared that there is a magic relationship ratio where partners should have five or more positive interactions for every negative experience or conflict they have.
Alex seemed to harbor a lot of resentment toward the OP, from her career choices and finances to the fact that his friends loved her. All of these insecurities must have eaten away at him for months because when he finally brought up the breakup, all of these negative thoughts came flooding out.
One thing that he seemed to dislike the most was how the poster earned more than him and how she could have the “final say” when it came to their finances. Researchers found that men who believe in the traditional idea of masculinity experience lower psychological wellbeing if they are married to women who earn more than them.
Everybody has their own insecurities and worries, but it’s important not to let those feelings affect the relationship with your partner. If your resentment toward your spouse seems to be taking over too much, it’s important to be more reflective and understand where these strong emotions are coming from. It can also help a great deal to go to couples’ therapy and work through the situation.
Even though nobody really wants to go through a breakup, the OP’s situation ended well because she got rid of an insecure man and could then adopt a cat. It definitely seems like things are looking up for her.
If you’ve got any weird or interesting breakup stories of your own, we’re all ears.
Everyone validated the poster’s response to Alex breaking up with her and said that he seemed like someone who loved stirring up drama
