Regular family relationships come with their ups and downs, but blended families have it even worse. Keeping the peace can become a challenge when exes can’t agree on parenting styles or don’t see eye to eye on boundaries, and often it’s the kids who suffer the most.
One teen has turned to an online community for advice after his stepmom called him “disgusting” for refusing to help out with his stepsiblings now that his dad is basically MIA. Frustrated and confused, he’s wondering if turning her down makes him a jerk.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:Blended family life can come with its challenges, as this teen is finding out the hard way
His dad is basically never home, so now his stepmom is demanding he help out with his stepsiblings and house chores
The teen wants nothing to do with her or her kids and has refused to be a free babysitting and cleaning service
Now his stepmom is raging at him and his mom and has even called him “disgusting” for turning his back on his family
At his wits’ end, the teen has now turned to an online community to ask if refusing to help his stepmom out makes him a jerk
When OP’s dad got a job out of state, it flipped his entire routine. He’d always split time between both parents, but now he lives full-time with his mom while seeing his dad only occasionally. The twist? His dad’s still married, but separated, and his stepmom isn’t handling the change well.
She’s been in OP’s life since he was six, and now she insists she should still play a major role, even if his dad’s hardly ever there. She claims she “helped raise him” and demands he visit more often and help out around her house. OP, however, isn’t having any of it. He told her straight up he doesn’t care and doesn’t owe her anything.
Though he gets along fine with his half-siblings, OP’s not emotionally attached. When they said they missed him, he didn’t really know what to say; he just doesn’t feel the same. His former stepmom, however, is furious that he won’t treat her like a parent anymore, even going so far as to call him “disgusting” for not helping her out.
OP clapped back by reminding her that she has no authority over him and that legally, he’s under his mom’s care now. He also told her that he never liked her, and with her and his dad likely ending things, he doesn’t see why he needs to stick around. Harsh? Maybe. Honest? No doubt.
From what OP tells us in his post, his stepmom thinks she can guilt trip him into staying a part of a family he never wanted anything to do with in the first place, let alone one that’s seemingly falling apart. She’s simply acting entitled, bordering on narcissistic. So, what’s the best way for OP to deal with her? We went looking for answers.
In her article for VeryWellMind, Sanjana Gupta writes that navigating a stepparent-stepchild relationship can be complicated. According to Gupta, problems crop up when a stepparent oversteps boundaries, has a parenting style unlike what the child is used to, or doesn’t respect the child’s viewpoint and circumstances.
According to psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, Sabrina Romanoff, “When their boundaries are violated, children tend to feel isolated, controlled, and in turn, angry. They might become more oppositional and display defiant or aggressive behavior,”
The Our Mental Health website recommends several strategies for setting healthy boundaries with a narcissistic stepparent, including setting clear expectations early, using assertive communication, understanding their triggers, setting consequences for violations, limiting personal conversations, and recognizing when it’s best to disengage.
We’d say OP couldn’t make his position any clearer to his stepmom. Unless she gets off her high horse and tries a better tactic, she’s just going to have to suck it up and make peace with being a single parent from now on. After all, OP didn’t ask for a second family, so why should he be forced to have one now that his dad is AWOL?
What would you do if you were in OP’s shoes? Do you think he owes his stepmom anything, or is she barking up the wrong tree entirely? Share your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers swiftly concluded the teen was not the jerk in the awkward scenario and slammed his stepmom for acting so entitled
