It’s a sad truth that anywhere you go, there’s a risk that someone might make you feel like you’re in danger or actually put you in peril. Even places that are meant for people to have fun aren’t free of this.
Luckily, many spots nowadays have various safety measures for such situations. For example, in bars, there are certain code words a person can use to signal being in danger. Today, let’s take a look at stories of people using these words to get out of risky situations and see how it turned out for them.
More info: Reddit
#1
I’m a mid 60″s dad. If a young woman comes up to me and says hi Uncle, Grandad, or Mr., you bet I’ll escort her to her car or where ever she needs to be safely. I have daughters, it’s Dad code 101!
#2
In a time before the safe word existed I was on a terrible first date at a bar. The guy was super handsy and wouldn’t stop touching me. I excused myself to the washroom and an angel of a bar tender came down to check on me. She had noticed I looked uncomfortable and asked if I needed help. I said yes and she left and told the guy to pay his tab and leave because the date was over. She was a legend.
#3
It started off like any other awkward first date small talk, drinks, nothing too weird. But halfway through, he leaned in, smiled, and said, “If you ever ghost me, just remember… I’m really good at finding people.”
My stomach dropped. I laughed it off, excused myself, and went to the bar. Told the bartender I needed an Angel Shot with a twist. He didn’t even blink just gave me a quiet nod and walked away.
A minute later, security showed up and asked the guy to step outside. Turns out he had a knife on him. I still don’t know what would’ve happened if the staff hadn’t stepped in, but they handled it like pros.
I went home shaken, but safe.
When a person goes out to a bar, they expect a fun, carefree time. Sadly, reality isn’t always so generous. Sometimes, the bar experience turns sour pretty fast, usually due to other people who bug you, make you feel unsafe, or even straightforwardly harass you. After all, intimate harassment, unfortunately, is quite common in settings like bars.
And so, some bars have safety measures in place that customers can use if they don’t feel safe. Since some situations do not let individuals approach security bluntly without jeopardizing their safety even more, bars have found a way for people to do this subtly.
#4
Oh, this happened to me…but not the way you think.
The wife and I thought it’d be fun to try the ol’ role play of “pick me up in the bar” thing.
Smooth me ordered her a drink from across the bar, she eventually came over and we chatted a bit and as we were starting to leave the bartender checked to make sure she was OK with me leaving with her.
“Yeah, he’s my husband….he just has s****y game”.
Respected that bartender though.
#5
Honestly, I didn’t know there was something like a safe word at bars and such. I can completely understand why, some people are super creeps.
Several years ago, my wife and I and several of our friends went to a favorite spot of ours for some drinks and dancing. We had been there for about 10 minutes and we were patiently waiting in the line up to get some drinks at the bar. That was when I noticed a young lady whose general disposition to a young man was very uncomfortable as he was leaning over her, holding her arm and talking at her and obviously creeping her out. I looked at my wife who hadn’t noticed what’s up and told her to hang on, there was something I had to do, although I was pretty nervous, I’m not a confrontational person.
I didn’t know how this was going to play out, but I had to try, so I walked up to her, gently placed my hand on her back and with a big smile, said “Hey babe! I’m so sorry I’m late, we got caught up at “some guys name”‘s house and I finally got here , I’m so sorry!” Then I turned to the guy and looked to her and asked, “Hey! Who’s this?” And I introduced myself and stuck out my hand. The guy instantly backed off and mumbled some s**t and left her alone for the rest of the night. I introduced myself to her and told her to come find me or some staff members if the creep approached her again, which he didn’t and I went on my merry way.
She and her friends seemed to have a good time afterwards and they approached me later to thank me for stepping in.
I’m glad I was there, I’m glad I was aware and I’m glad I had the balls to step in and get him to step off. I dunno if her situation would have escalated, but thankfully we will never have to find out.
So, hey, guys, gals, whoever is reading this, if you see someone in a situation like this, take the chance and step up to help them out. Worse case is, if you’re wrong, you might look like a thoughtful idiot, but there is no harm in trying to help.
#6
It’s not the same thing but one time when I worked at a convenience store, a regular walked in and asked me to walk out to the car with her because her ex boyfriend was outside and wouldn’t leave her alone. I gladly did it, I was the only guy at the store. But I’m sure the guy laughed to himself when he seen my 5’3 scrawny a*s escorting his ex to the car. He tried to talk to her and I got in between them and told him to leave or I’d call the cops. He left peacefully and quickly so that was the end of it for me.
EDIT: Just wanted to say thank you for all the kind comments and awards. I appreciate the compliments!
It’s in the form of “safe words” or secret drinks. A good example of this is the “Ask Angela” campaign. Basically, when a person feels unsafe, they can ask for Angela, a fictional member of staff, at a bar. With this safe word, staff will help an individual get home discreetly and safely by escorting them to a different room, calling them a cab and leading them to it, or by kicking the dangerous person out.
This started in England in 2016. To be more specific—in Lincolnshire, by Hayley Crawford, the Substance Misuse and Sexual Violence (prevention) strategic Coordinator for Lincolnshire County Council.
#7
I’ve had several women essentially grab hold of me and tell some rando that I was their boyfriend. I’ve been told that I have a fairly intimidating face upon first meeting somebody, I have PTSD so I think that’s just a byproduct of that, it’s definitely not a conscious decision to look like I’m constantly ready to f**k somebody up, it’s a bit annoying to know that my face is often telling people to stay away when that couldn’t be further from who I am, but I’m happy to use it in those situations. Thankfully, none of those situations have escalated beyond me needing to raise my voice.
Edit: Thanks for the kind words, folks. You’ve really made me rethink how I view this part of myself.
#8
Went on a first date with a guy I met online. I’m 22, he was 38 ; which I figured might be fine, until he started immediately going on about how “girls my age are way more grateful” and how he “prefers women who haven’t been ruined by bad relationships.”
He kept leaning in way too close, saying he liked how “innocent” I looked, and then casually started rubbing my thigh under the table while talking about how “soft and obedient” I seemed. I froze. It was that gross kind of touch where you don’t want to make a scene, but your whole body’s screaming to get away.
I excused myself to go to the loo, walked past the bar, and quietly asked the bartender if Angela was working tonight. He just nodded and said “Right this way.” Within a minute, a female staff member found me by the bathrooms and said someone was waiting for me outside. They walked me out the back, stayed with me while I ordered a cab, and made sure I was safe.
He texted me the next day saying he “hoped I’d learned to be more polite.” Immediately blocked and reported 😭.
#9
Didn’t use a code phrase, but I was having pizza in a small park, like you can see the whole thing at once. As I’m sitting, this guy comes up and starts talking to me and I’m very uninterested. I started saying a bunch of stuff that I thought would turn him off and he just kept being super pushy. So I went back into the pizza joint, saying I needed to use the restroom. When I got in, I asked if they had a back door to an alley or something because this guy was being super creepy and I needed a way out. One of the cooks walked me through the kitchen and out the back. Thanks Kris!
The name Angela was chosen in remembrance of Angela Phillips, a woman who was abused and whose life was taken by her husband in 2012 when an argument got out of control. Additionally, there’s the meaning of “messenger of God” or “angel” in there.
The word about such safety measures spread quickly and was adopted by other places, like the United States, only with different code words. For example, people can ask for an “Angel Shot,” with additional context like “neat” (escort to a car), “on the rocks” (call a taxi), or “with a lime” (call the police). Depending on the code word and its additions, the bartender will react accordingly and help a person in need.
#10
As someone who’s worked in several bars across the years in the UK, I’ve seen this be used a few times. Our protocol differed a little from each place but the general standard was to immediately take the person back to a private space and ask for details/how we could help. It didn’t matter how busy it was, it was drilled into all staff to take this seriously. Usually we would inform doorstaff if we had them and/or get the person escorted to a taxi by doormen or a member of staff. When I later trained staff for a new bar I made sure they all knew how important these protocols were.
To people on the other side of the bar: us barstaff pay attention! Your safety is important and don’t be afraid to use the safety tools or talk to us if you need help.
#11
Was out with a couple of friends and one had brought along a lad she barely knew and was essentially a rebound.
He was a creep was trying to put his hands down her pants and up her top in the middle of the restaurant, yes a actual restaurant, at 6pm so certainly wasn’t quiet. She told him no and stop repeatedly but he wouldn’t and was just telling me to [lay] off and mind my business.
When my friends went to the toilet ans he went for a smoke I went to the bar, asked if Eileen was working as my friend needs help. The lad knew what I meant, sent a female staff member to the toilets, radioed the doorman who came over and told the lad he was out of control and needed to leave. The lad threw a punch at the doorman, called me a ferret then was dragged outside by two large doorman. Police were called and no idea what happened after that.
Couldn’t have been handled any better.
Edit to add this was at a wetherspoons, thought I’d it for some positive story since it gets alot of negative attention.
#12
20ish years ago working at blockbuster I had a petite rocker girl I worked with. This dude came in and kept talking to her, wouldn’t leave. Kept telling her they should go to a concert that week. She was trying to blow him off, she had a boyfriend and clearly wasn’t interested. I finally turned to that dude and yelled, “Hey, read the room dude, she ain’t interested. Get out.” He got all flustered and started calling me a jealous fatass. I told him to get lost and quit harassing her. He left while calling me fat again. She thanked me and rushed to the back because she was clearly scared and nearly in tears. Later her boyfriend came up to the store and thanked me. It felt pretty good.
Other bars can have different variations of a code word, but the general idea of how it works stands.
Of course, it wasn’t popularized just in the United States – many countries around the globe took the idea and ran with it – from places in Europe to Australia, South America, and so on. It became a worldwide phenomenon—and a great one.
#13
Guy was groping girls and All i did was point to the guy to the bartender who knew me and said “THIS F****N GUY!” Big a*s bartender said HELL NO and had him by his scruff pretty quick.
#14
I work as a DJ and I have a few success stories.
My fave is texting a picture from the booth of a guy to security, than watching that guy get calmly escorted out thirty seconds later.
Followed closely by that time I was in a much more visible booth and while the other DJ was up I just sort of stood in the booth watching an obvious creep circle the dancefloor before he saw me and just… Walked out. Other DJ says I jedi mind tricked him into leaving.
#15
Somewhat unrelated, a buddy and I are out for drinks and two people are clearly on a date on the stools next to us, she goes to the bathroom and a minute later my friend elbows me and points at the lady’s glass where a pill is dissolving.
We had a discreet discussion about the best way to deal with this. Take him outside and beat the [hell] out of him or tell the bartender.
We told the bartender and she quickly tossed the drink and went to meet the woman in the bathroom before 86ing the guy.
Woman was terrified, and there was no calling the cops because the pill was gone at that point, down the drain.
I’ve never been much of a fighter, but still wished we’d hurt that guy.
On today’s list, you will find plenty of examples of these safe words and secret drinks being used in actual situations, proving that they exist beyond theoretical discussions. All of these stories were shared by people online when someone on Reddit encouraged them to do so. And we’re glad they did—it’s not only interesting to read about, but it also shines a light on how important and useful such safety measures are.
Have you ever used any bar safe words or secret drinks yourself? Or witnessed someone using them? Don’t shy away from sharing your stories with us!
#16
Had a stranger come up to me while I was reading outside an otherwise empty coffee shop. I’m a very petite woman living solo, so I went into a nearby restaurant as I didn’t want to walk home and have him follow me.
He did, however, follow me to the restaurant and plop down at my table as if we were on a date. My waitress didn’t take me seriously until I cried while he was at the bar.
He wound up shoving his way into the kitchen yelling about how he “couldn’t find his girl” and got aggressive with them.
I ended up being hidden in a storage room waiting to be taken home while the waitstaff called police for trespassing.
All in all, 0/5 star experience, but all of the women who yanked me out were very kind. I’m a firm believer more places should have a safe word system.
#17
Not quite a safe word situation, but an advisory tale: in a bar where someone was being a creep to a friend. She was wearing a very low cut top so he thought that was an invitation to snap some pictures from the next table over for his collection without asking. Gross. I advised him -without swearing or threats of violence – that this wasn’t acceptable and he would have to delete the photos. His friend decided to try and play the big man. Fortunately he must have drunk enough not to immediately see the fact they were out numbered 2 to 12 so they swiftly realised this was a non-starter.
I went to the bar to cool off, because I was definitely in a fighting mood at that point, and let’s be honest… that’s never a good time anywhere with a large amount of glassware, no matter how much of a “tough guy” you want to tell yourself you are, some ones getting hurt and it might be someone you care about, so why risk it? Even if you dish out some damage, you’re risking catching a charge.
At the bar a friend asked the score and I filled them in. They’re up for a fight. I say let’s leave it, but at this point the bar staff overheard. They’re obviously annoyed people are having fighting talk in their premises – so I fill them in on exactly why I’m giving the situation a 20ft distance to avoid being the problem. Turns out however dive bars staffed by women really don’t like creeps.
I’ve never seen so many baseball bats pulled so quick.
A very short conversation was had by the staff with the creep and his pal. A camera was smashed. They were ejected immediately after. I was told very firmly if there was ever a next time, tell the staff first, and let them handle it.
TLdR: women who work dive bars can very swiftly be the FO portion of the FAFO equation. Don’t be a hero if someone’s being a creep. Just talk to the staff straight from the jump and let them do their job. Unless you’re in a real s**t hole, the staff arnt gunna let that sort of thing happen on their watch. If you’re in a bar and can’t see a single person on staff who you think “they might help me out in a tight spot”, don’t drink there.
#18
I asked for an Angel Shot once. Barkeep asked who.
I said the guy in the blue shirt, he’s getting a little aggressive.
Dude pulled out a nerf gun and said hey blue shirt I’ve got a bullet for you.
#19
A couple of guys tried to physically march me out of the bar to their car. It was just them, the bartender, and myself in the place. I told them I needed the restroom and gave the bartender a very pointed look on the way to it. Thankfully, he understood. I heard an argument through the door but I couldn’t make out the details. A few minutes later, he knocked on the bathroom door and told me they gave up and left. The bartender made sure I was ok til close, then drove me home.
I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for that barkeep looking after me.
#20
Amazingly! I was in Syracuse for a short work trip. Had a drink at the hotel bar and started chatting with a guy a few seats down. We ended up going to a bar nearby and my instincts told me something was off and this wouldn’t end well. He ordered me a drink from the other side of the bar which was odd. I took it to the bathroom and dumped it out, then saw a sign about using a code word to tell staff if you were uncomfortable about something. I went to the bar, said the word to one of the bartenders and she immediately took me out through the back (without a scene) and drove me to my hotel. She texted me the next morning to see how I was doing. I often think about her and how kind and selfless it was to help a total stranger in a time of need.
ETA: We shared an Uber to the bar. When I disappeared to the bathroom and back to the hotel, he called/texted repeatedly. He was pissed that I ditched him (even though I’d only met him an hour prior).
#21
My manager had to do this. poor lass was being stalked by her ex and she asked if angela was working, he said of course and took her upstairs to “meet her” until the cops arrived to deal with the guy.
the second worst part is, it’s so lucky he was trained for that because none of the rest of us were trained at all, despite there being posters around the building that literally said “staff were specially trained to help victims who ask for angela”. i would have known, and many of my women coworkers probably did, but not because we were trained for it, and she got so lucky she ran into the right person.
i don’t know what happened to her after that but i hope she’s safe and well.
#22
A girl came up to me in a bar, grabbed my arms and kissed me on the lips and said, “hey baby!” And winked at me, and kissed me one more time (I think to hide my face). I smiled and then saw the guy behind her at the bar scowling at me. I looked at the girl and said, “Hey! How was work?” She turned to the guy and said, “see? I told you he’s my boyfriend. Now leave me alone.” She went back to her table of girlfriends and she bought our table a round. Never saw her again, she never came back to the bar, and I’m glad she didn’t because he was there often. But I know how much she appreciated that and I was happy to do it.
#23
I didn’t use a safe word but years ago in Austin, a girlfriend and I were out.
We were at the bar but facing the stage to watch live music, there was a mirror behind the bar and as I was half turned to talk to her I noticed a old man behind her lean in to sniff her hair!!
I did a double take, he noticed so he started to pretend he was leaning into chat with her. The bartender saw, wrote me a note asking if we needed his help, I shook my head yes.
Not even a minute later he rounded the bar, grabbed the guy my the shoulder “I think the ladies want to be left alone” and made him leave.
Edit: lmao, excuse me. Nodded my head yes. Reddit give me a break, I was in the middle of baking cookies when I decided to reply to this
Second edit : okay guys, I posted the cookies.
#24
I haven’t. But one time I told a bartender “ma’am it’s my wife’s birthday, we’re all kinda drunk, but this guy at the end of the bar is actively antagonizing my friend and I really don’t want to get involved with her birthday and what-not; I wonder if there’s anything you can do before I call it.”
Immediately told the guy to gtfo and started calling bouncers and threatening police. I felt extremely “taken care of” by that bar staff. I think I tipped $100 on a $50 tap, but there ain’t no telling lol. That was years ago.
#25
Girl in late night restaurant/bar didn’t look good like she was either totally drunk or [laced]. I spoke to staff about getting in touch with Angela and sending her the girl’s way. Doorman had a word with her and the guy she was with. The chap got mouthy so was taken outside. Couple of doormen slapped him around for a bit. They found a syringe with some liquid on him and a bottle of something with a pipette. The guy wouldn’t explain what the liquids were. Police were called. Other patrons where hearing that this guy might have drugged some also tried to give him a kicking albeit failed while some other women also tried to get attention by saying he had also [laced] them or tried even though they had come in after he and the original girl had.
#26
I was working expo in the kitchen later at night and when Dylan, our other bartender, went home it was just Jamie. This girl handed her a dollar with something written on it, and Jamie came into the kitchen to have myself and another cook come out and talk to the guy to keep his attention while my buddy walked her to her car. Once she was safe, we told him to pay his bill and leave.
We voided her bill and took it on as a store expense. It was worth it.
#27
These two girls just straight up told me
“hey this guy has been bothering us.”
“Oh, s**t. Why didn’t you say anything!”
“We tried to get your attention but you were busy.”
“I apologize. We’ll get this guy out of here. Now.”
The other bartenders and I “convinced” him to leave. I bought the ladies some drinks for the trouble.
#28
Mid 80’s I went out with a friend of a friend. We went to the drive-in movies. It was at the time that the new orange Slice came out. He had an opened can and asked me if I wanted to taste it. I said no, but he kept on badgering me to try it so I did. One small sip. The next thing I knew, I was waking up. I knew something wasn’t right to I told him I had to use the restroom. I walked in and my eyes were RED. Not bloodshot. Not pink. RED. I couldn’t get anyone to help me. I had to get back into the car with this guy and have him drive me (angrily) to my brothers apartment for “a family emergency” (I had used the pay phone to call a friend who wasn’t home and that’s when I came up with this plan).
I was 17. F****r.