Gender norms are crumbling fast these days, and we couldn’t be any happier. There’s just no sense in clinging to outdated ideas about what men and women should or shouldn’t be able to do. Sometimes, people still can’t wrap their heads around this fact.
One woman, whose parents expect her and her sister to do all the housework, recently stood up for herself and complained that her three brothers weren’t lifting a finger to help. Now she’s quit doing the chores in protest, but still wonders if that’s a jerk move.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:Gender norms are being shattered daily, but this woman’s sexist parents don’t seem to have noticed
The family house needed a deep clean, so the woman suggested everyone pitch in and help out
Her mom said that was a great idea, and gave her and her sister chores to do, but not the woman’s three brothers
When the woman complained to her mom about the inequality, her mom said cleaning house was a girl’s job
The woman said that it was unfair and quit cleaning in protest, but is now wondering if that makes her a jerk
When OP suggested a deep clean of the family house, she assumed it would be a team effort. Living at home with her parents, three brothers, and a younger sister, she figured sharing the load made sense. Her mom initially agreed, and the girls were assigned chores. Oddly, however, the brothers weren’t asked to help at all.
As OP vacuumed and her sister tidied, her brothers lounged in another room, totally off the hook. She waited for her mom to include them; after all, she’d agreed to the plan. When she asked why the boys weren’t contributing, though, her mother dismissed her concerns. Instead of fairness, she was told to be quiet and get to work.
Things got worse when the OP pointed out the unfairness. Her mother, visibly upset, claimed she was acting shamefully. “They’re boys. You and your sister are girls. This is your job,” her mom said, despite previously agreeing that the boys should help. It turns out fairness wasn’t the priority—gender roles were. And the boys? They’re still glued to their screens playing video games.
That’s when OP decided enough was enough. She stopped doing chores entirely. Her father mocked her, and her mother labeled her lazy and disrespectful. Her protest sparked outrage, but she wasn’t trying to be rebellious – she just wanted equality. Now she’s left asking an online community if standing up for herself makes her the bad guy.
From what the OP tells us in her post, her parents are fine with perpetuating gender inequality. Perhaps that’s just how they were brought up, but the OP is well within her rights to rock this particular boat—it’s 2025, after all. So, what can she do to enlighten her parents and promote fairness in her family? We went looking for answers.
According to the UN Women website, traditional notions of masculinity often discourage men from engaging in care and domestic work, as well as from communicating their emotions in open, healthy ways. Challenging such notions, which is key to fostering equality, starts at home.
According to the Psychology Today website, family quarrels, grudges, and estrangement can have lasting effects, sometimes following members into old age. In a dysfunctional home, there is normally no sense of unity, empathy, or boundaries, and family members can be highly critical of one another.
In his article for the Educational Foundation for Children’s Care, Leon B. Wellington suggests a few ways to encourage gender equality in the home, including encouraging open conversations, sharing household responsibilities equally, challenging stereotypes in media and books, and encouraging empathy and respect.
It looks like OP is going to need to sit the whole family down for a not-so-little chat about fair play and outdated gender norms. Anything less, and she’s just going to stay stuck in the same dysfunctional situation until she moves out.
In the comments, readers agreed that the original poster was not being the jerk in the situation, and some even suggested she move out
